Tuesday, May 6, 2008

The Terrorist

I suppose I should dedicate my next post to the person I will most likely be posting the most about.

Important Things to know about The Terrorist:
1. He's Iraqi and Muslim...but I guess those two thing kind of go hand in hand, don't they?
2. He's not really a terrorist. I'll explain the reasoning behind his name momentarily...well whenever I'm done with this list.
3.We've been married for about four months, we've known each other for about eight.
4. He has no fingers on his right hand. It's not really important, just pretty cool. He was born like that; they weren't blown up, or gnawed off by wild rabid monkeys.
5. He makes the best Chai (Arabic for tea) in the world.

The Reason I call The Terrorist, well, The Terrorist:
There are a few reasons actually. The first is that when we started dating he had a lot of friends moving over, or trying to move over to the States, many of them wanting to come to our city, because he is here...he's popular like that...I kind of hate him for it. Well, when I found out I was knocked up I looked at him and said, "Ah, I see what's happening here. You're in charge of the Iraqi invasion of the US...starting with my uterus!"
Another reason is that he actually one of the nicest guys you'll ever meet. Seriously, this guy has the biggest heart and is so freaking giving he makes me look like Scrooge. Case in point: One day we were in the McDonald's parking lot, because I wanted a parfait and like Donkey says, "You know what else everybody likes? Parfaits. Have you ever met a person, you say, 'Let's get some parfait,' they say, 'Heck no, I don't like no parfait'? Parfaits are delicious . . . Parfaits may probably be the most delicious thing on the whole damned planet!" Well, after coming out of the Mic carrying my fruity, yogurty, layeredy cup of goodness, I see him walking back to the car from the Subway parking lot next door. This causes me to think "Bastard went and got himself a $5 foot long, it really is ca,ca,ca,catching on", so I ask him "Whatchoo doin' Willis?", and after explaining to him the intricacies of Diff'rent Strokes, he tells me that there was a homeless man over there who looked so cold and hungry, so he gave him some money. Now, seriously what type of terrorist would do that.
I used to ("used to" being the key phrase in this paragraph) have a friend who worked in banking. Well, one day she took it upon herself to run his name, or what she thought was his name, against the US Terrorist Watch List, and low and behold it was on there. So, she proceeded to tell our mutual friends and god knows who else that I was married to a terrorist. Well, his name, or variations of it, is very common in the Middle East, and they form their names diff'rently than we do (oh c'mon you know I had to). They are known by their first name, then the son of your father, followed by the son of your grandfather, followed by your tribal name. Well, the US takes these names and converts them to the "Christian" system, so you maintain your first name, but your father's name becomes your middle name, and your grandfather's name becomes your last, and your tribal name is disregarded. So, long story short, it could very well have been his name, or similar to it, but it wasn't him, yet she told people it was anyway. Well, it became a joke between him and I, so he is my terrorist.
Finally, what terrorist marries an American atheist infidel? Not many, eh?

I'm going to leave you now with a picture of The Terrorist playing with our friend's dog, Dude. Ain't he cute? Well...both of them.

No comments: